Prosperity

Sharpie drawings on white walls. Coffee on a white blouse. Red wine on white carpeting. Each represents a permanence I had wished applied to everything in life. For long periods at a time, I believed in permanence, and hoped nearly everything lived up to that expectation. But certain instances drew me back from that notion, not necessarily forever, but at least until my twenty-first year.

When I reflect on my experiences, specifically when a person or a constant was ripped from my life, I recognize the same emotional torment. A death, a break up, a new job, nearly any change created a pit in my stomach. Until I released the negative emotions, more so anxiety and fear, the pit would grow deeper and deeper. Eventually affecting my overall well being. Not only did I need to address my emotions, but my unrealistic expectation of permanence. 

Once I reluctantly came to the understanding that nothing in life is a forever constant, I was able to grow as an individual. I may not have realized it in the instance, but the moment a family member or friend pried the torment out of the pit, he or she taught me that releasing the dwelling negativity was the pivotal point of channeling my negativity into growth. Hindering my inability to address my emotions was the attachment I'd made to permanence. Had I not let go of the cyclical angst, I would still be brewing in adversity. 

The initial prying of my emotions had never set well. I could not understand why I needed to discuss something I barely interpreted in my own mind. But, every time I expressed what was strengthening the negative pit, I weakened it. As I expressed myself more to various individuals, I also realized that one specific opinion of my emotions or thoughts was not necessarily correct. By picking pieces of each loved one's opinion, developing my own response or turning point became less of a challenge. Reaching out was the crucial factor in understanding that my emotional thought process was not a permanent cycle, it was something that would grow. 

Now, I am able to react better to adversity. I still struggle in communicating the origin of the emotional trauma, but with patience and love from my family and friends, I eventually reach the root of my emotional state. More importantly, I have set in my mind the cliche that one moment does not define me. My adjustment to negativity and even positivity creates my definition. Every individual is given challenges that he or she can handle. Without adversity, emotional strength would remain at a plateau. The point of life is growth in every aspect. After accepting that simple thought, opportunity and growth are limitless. 

I genuinely appreciate the food for thought I've received from Angela, Paul, and Sam. Without conversation with each of them, I would still be growing into these realizations.